by Shane Foster

Reading time approx: 10 mins


One of the questions often raised in the crossdressing community is that of bisexuality, or in some cases, whether or not you are bi-curious. In real terms, being a crossdresser is not about sexuality but more about the need to explore our feminine side.

That said, the term bi-curious is definitely worth exploring as there are occasions where there can be an overlap between this and the world of crossdressing.

So what exactly do we mean by the term “bi-curious”?

Well, the term itself is very easy to explain. The definition of “Curious" is pretty much self-explanatory, and "Bi" simply means the ability to go in either direction, which in this case is regarded as bisexuality.


Don’t get the two terms mixed up

However, bisexuality shouldn’t be mixed up with "bi-curious". Bi-curious refers to people who want to try sex with people of different genders. This is because they have ideas about it and feel sexually attracted towards it, but they do not call themselves bisexual.

In the first instance, it’s all about the element of ‘trying’. But what sounds free and open at first, however, can cause numerous problems for the bi community.

As already mentioned, "bi-curious" is about curiosity and sexual preferences. Most of the time, this has little to do with love and relationships. And that could become a problem for many people.

Indeed the phrase "bi-curious" implies that you want to explore your sexuality before you label yourself. But is this the right way? And if so, how do those who are part of this community feel?


The LGBTQ community

For many people in the LGBTQ community, especially those who are bisexual, they do not feel that they are taken seriously by the term "bi-curious". This is because bi-curious is not about the fact of experiencing sex with other people, nor same-sex people, but rather about it being classed as a fetish, making it highly dangerous.


It is, therefore, important to know what the problem is, and know that people have feelings that can be hurt quickly, especially when it comes to sexuality and love. Plus, it's an absolute no-go to tell people that you share the same sexuality, just to get to your desired goal faster.

To put it bluntly, playing with the feelings of others is simply wicked, or just plain cruel.


Some may wonder if you are gay or lesbian

If you feel the urge to try out with someone of the same sex, it doesn't make you gay or lesbian, but simply bi-curious.

But how can you gain such experience at all, if people assume that you will marry the opposite sex at some point, and start a family – why do you need such stress in your life?

And it's perfectly okay to not always know your own direction at every point in your life, or to not always have a plan.


Stay true to yourself

Often it seems as if most people are totally sure about their orientation and when such a story comes up in their circle of acquaintances, everyone expresses themselves differently.

Most say they always knew it anyway, or perhaps distance themselves subconsciously.

There is basically nothing wrong with trying yourself out, because without experience gained over time, you will not reach your goal.

"Bi-curious" describes trying this out, as it’s a previously unexplored direction. And that's where the whole point comes in. It doesn't matter why and when, but much more how you communicate it with the outside world.

Much more important than the outside world, of course, is your partner, with whom you gain the experience. As long as both of you know where you stand, and you stay true to yourself, then nothing is unachievable.



First and foremost, communicate your desires, especially with your partner. Explain to them that you are primarily interested in gaining experience. Experiences to find out if bisexuality is even suitable for you.

And even if you end up knowing that you never want to have relationships with people of your gender, but you're ready for a relationship on a sexual basis, and you communicate this openly, there's nothing reprehensible about it!

And if you decide to just stick to simply crossdressing, and you discover that you are no longer bi-curious, then that’s fine too.

Above all else, just be honest and open.


  • Steve

    Great post Shane! I love your thoughtfulness for how easy it would be to hurt somebody in our pursuit of our own desires.Clear, honest communication is essential in any relationship.The rewards are guilt-free play!

  • Victoria

    Well I’ve been bi-curious since I was in my late teens, but never acted on it until later in my life. I was single at the time and cross dressing was playing in a big way in my life, after surprising it for years. And the more that I was dressing the more my sexual curiosity came to the front. So I thought I would act on it, and I contacted someone who had the same curiosity as me. This first contact was a bit of a fumble, and it wasn’t until my second experience that I really began to really enjoy it and my new found sexuality.

  • Joseph Bennett

    I am a struggling Bi-Sexual who was growing at a time when being gay sent you to a mental hospital. I was gay exclusively loving peers of the same sex and putting on a front of being straight. Social Pressure drove me to hetero sexual marriage. Fortunately I met my wife who could accept my other needs and I guess now you would in modern terms say are marriage is pan-sexual.

  • michael h bradley

    i have been cross dressing since i was about 9 years old and don,t regret a minute of it. currently i have around 100 skirts, 20 pairs of boots, and loads of heeled shoes. i also have dozens of bras, both longline and ordinary, plus corselettes etc. etc. , stockings and shiny leggings ( to keep my legs warm !), and several " fit and flare" dresses. best wishes to all

  • Sophie

    Your blog is so true. And helpful. As a lesbian transgender woman I understand wot your saying. Being true to yourself. And positive attitude helps xx

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